Since arriving back in the States I have been in an odd state of mind. The questions "what am I doing" and "why" are more prevalent. I’m coming out of a fantastic job with great people, so maybe I’m just doubting that I’ll ever be in such an atmosphere again? Now that I don’t have a set plan, people take this time to exclaim “College! College! College!”. Because unless I go to college and get a degree that I don’t want, I’ll be miserable my whole life, right?
The Lord has softened my heart to many new possibilities, including college and not dancing as much as I may want. This doesn't mean that those things will come to pass but I needed to get to the place where I was ready if they were. It's a funny thing, when change comes and the Lord seems to be saying "Okay, now we need to get you in a place of surrender with __________. Because this seems to be taking My place in the throne of your heart. So, that's a problem. Why are your knuckles white? Don't you trust Me?" And I come up with a nice, long list as to why this change is unnecessary. Turns out the root of my argument is that I am comfortable. It's like when you're in bed and you finally get cozy...you're just dozing off into dreamland....*BEEP BEEP* goes the alarm! Time to get up. "But it's still dark outside. I can't see where I'm going," you mumble as you trip over your own two feet. Yep, that's where I seem to be at the moment.
Aimless has been the word of the summer. But in reality, I am not aimless. I know what I want and sometimes that means doing something else for a season. You never expect what you’re expecting. Being in limbo for what seems forever is definitely not what I was expecting this summer. In the midst of me over thinking, asking why, etc. I have had some of the best moments with people I love. Others that are in the same place in life. Connecting with them, sharing, and encouraging.
Bitter and sweet, that’s what this summer has been.
Bitter isn’t bad or abnormal. It’s not a great taste but it makes the sweet taste so much sweeter.